Ask Dr. Barb: Strategies to avoid eating for comfort

Make and keep a sensible shopping list to avoid foods that trigger out-of-control eating. Pixabay photoDear Dr. Barb,

I am a single person who enjoys cooking and baking, but I fear that I have become obsessed with food. During the pandemic, I have been working from home, unable to travel, get together or go out with friends. I find that I am almost always thinking about what I am going to eat. Having a good meal seems to be my only pleasure these days, and eating is sometimes the only thing I have to look forward to. Even with the vaccine, I worry that it might be difficult to break this pattern. I do exercise regularly, but I am afraid that eating constantly will soon catch up with me. Could my focus on food be a sign of depression? Do you have any suggestions that might help?

Dear Reader,

Surveys are showing how the social isolation and the uncertainty of how to stay safe in the ongoing pandemic are taking its toll mentally. Now more than ever, individuals are struggling with feelings of anxiety, sadness and anger. Consequently, alcohol and drug abuse are on the uptick, as well as overeating and over exercising.

In your case, working from home, living alone and cut off from enjoyable social routines, you must be feeling some or all of the depressive symptoms mentioned. It seems that the routine of eating has become a source of emotional comfort for you. Without accessing other sources of pleasure, you turn to eating, which allows for temporary escape and immediate reward.

Nevertheless, when life suddenly seems so out of control, the focus on food as a sole source of pleasure can go too far. Eating then turns to be obsessive and, like any other addictive behavior, it becomes compulsive in nature.

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Ask Dr. Barb: How to control obsessive thoughts

Dear Dr. Barb,

I was talking with a friend about our Catholic upbringing and how nuns told us that thinking of stealing (or cheating or fornicating, etc.) means a person has already sinned. Whether one believes this or not, we agreed that constantly thinking of a certain misdeed might lead to doing it. So, we wonder if you know ways people can control their thoughts. For example, if you think your best friend’s wife is very attractive, it might be difficult to stop fantasizing about being involved with her. Should a person consider such thoughts harmless if not acted upon? If such thoughts are mentally unhealthy, how do you avoid them?

Dear Reader,

A thought is just a thought and there is nothing harmful about a thought as long as it is not acted upon. Also, we are only human and it is unrealistic to think that socially unacceptable images should never enter our minds. We are all capable having unwanted thoughts.

Sometimes a very strict upbringing — religious or not — can cause one to feel very anxious about unwanted thoughts. It becomes scary to think that just thinking about doing something unacceptable will result in carrying it out.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Divorce brings holiday challenges

Dear Dr. Barb,

I am recently divorced and not looking forward to the holidays. After 17 years as a couple, I dread sending out holiday cards with only my name. Maybe I just won’t. There probably won’t be any parties this year, thankfully, but it will be hard to be alone and fighting back sadness when everyone should be happy. My family will probably be feeling sorry for me at Thanksgiving, and I can’t stand the thought. I don’t want to bring anyone down. What should can I do?

Dear Reader,

When a marriage ends, there is a terrible feeling of loss  — the loss of a love relationship, the loss of identity, and the loss of emotional and, often, financial security. The loss must be grieved, and grief often involves feelings of overwhelming sadness and anxiety. These feelings are normal.

Now that your marriage has ended, you may have never felt so alone. With your partner no longer present, many of the activities and traditions you shared will not quite be the same. At times, you even may worry that you’ll end up alone forever.

Although you dread facing family and friends, you might consider the importance of warm and supportive relationships when you are feeling so sad and lonely.

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Ask Dr. Barb: How to cope with mother's isolation

Dear Dr. Barb,

Since March, my mother has refused to let any of us in her home because she fears being exposed to Covid-19. When we bring her groceries or prescriptions, we must leave them at the door. I am concerned that she has isolated herself in this way. We all take turns calling her and have noticed that she appears to have been drinking more than normal. Sometimes she’s obviously drunk. (The local liquor store delivers to familiar customers.) She is a diabetic and should not drink, and we all remind her of that. She says she’s worried by what she sees on the news, and that occasional drinks help her cope. She denies drinking too much. When she hasn’t been drinking, her spirits seem low, and daily phone calls don’t cheer her up. What would you advise?

Dear Reader,

Your concern about your mother’s condition shows how the challenges of the coronavirus seem to be taking a mental toll on everyone. Now that we have entered a new phase of relaxing the quarantine, social distancing guidelines are not always clear. Personal differences in risk tolerance may impact relationships.

Since March and April, when the virus peaked in numbers in New Jersey, there are individuals who have relaxed their safety standards more than others, some perhaps in denial that the virus exists. At the other extreme, there are those like your mother, who continue to self-isolate without any letup.

It is understandable that your mother’s diabetes puts her at above-average health risk. And from what she hears on the news, often the worst-case scenarios, she is likely to be terrified of contracting the virus.

Nevertheless, abusing alcohol as an escape from the monotony and loneliness of self-isolating also poses a health risk. Drinking now and then can be relaxing; however, if there are no other pleasurable activities to fall back on, one can become increasingly dependent on it. The situation may then become more difficult for her to manage, as it leads to a vicious cycle between drinking and feeling depressed.

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Ask Dr. Barb: How to manage job security worries

Dear Dr. Barb,

I am a regular reader of your column. You often advise against worrying about the worst-case scenario (catastrophizing) in a given situation. I’ve found this hard to do. I am 42, and I work in retail marketing. My company has suffered huge losses with the months-long closure of our stores nationwide. I have been working from home, but I have found it hard to remain optimistic even with decent online revenue and plans to reopen our physical locations. I am worried that I might be a layoff target. The idea that I might lose my job and need to reinvent myself to compete for an already limited number of “career” jobs is honestly distressing. I would appreciate any ideas you can offer on staying positive and moving ahead effectively.

Dear Reader,

Due to the Covid-19 pandemic, many individuals are facing real threats to their survival both health-wise and financially. Being concerned about the future is a very human response. Yet in these times of unprecedented uncertainty, catastrophizing can be the least effective way to regain control.

This pattern of thinking that jumps to the most negative possible outcomes usually leads to feelings of powerlessness with relentless worry that we will not be able to cope with whatever may happen. The overwhelming fear of catastrophic outcome can sometimes create a self-fulfilling prophecy whereby the person, feeling so powerless, actually gives up trying.

In this pandemic, news and facts about unemployment numbers change negatively on a daily basis, and it becomes easy to fear that you could lose your job, and your career will end. However, imagining the worst-case scenario is a self-defeating way to address the problem. Here are a few healthier ideas to cope with your fears:

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