Ask Dr. Barb: Staying positive in trying times

Dr, Barbara RosenbergDear Dr. Barb,

How does a person stay upbeat when everything in the world seems to be going wrong? I am bothered by the rising cost of living, the economy, my self-imposed pandemic isolation, war and people suffering in so many ways. Personally, my life isn’t so bad, but I find myself avoiding the news because there always seems to be something to feel anxious about. Distracting myself with books and movies only goes so far, and it feels like there are so many instances where I am powerless to make a difference. Is there any hope? It’s even harder to feel like this around the holidays.

Dear Reader,

There are so many right now who are struggling with feeling overwhelmed by all the bad news in today’s world. A horrific headline or one more update on the virus can send a person spiraling into feelings of worry and hopelessness.

Avoiding the news certainly doesn’t mean you don’t care, but by avoiding, you can become even more anxious. Some people have learned to strike a balance between total avoidance versus nonstop consumption. They check the news only at a specific time of the day. By doing that, whatever is taking place is pretty much heard only once.

If a mass shooting tragically takes place and a person is checking the media sixty times, it will feel like the mass shooting is happening sixty times.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Strategies to cope with coronavirus anxiety

Dr. Barbara Rosenberg

Dear Dr. Barb,

My daughter is a recent college graduate who finally landed a great job in her major only to have been laid off due to COVID-19 with no guarantee her small company will be able to recover and bring her back. I also have a son at home who is missing friends and teachers in his last year of high school. He is angry about cancellation of classes, the prom, graduation parties, and, likely, even the graduation ceremony itself. Our family has been sheltering in place, but it has been a very difficult time. Going out to walk regularly is no longer helping me mentally. I am worried about my daughter who has her own apartment and was paying off her credit card and student loan debt. I am worried that money will run out for all of us and that things will get much worse. So far, we are all well, and I am trying to present a strong presence for my children and my husband, who is working from home. Inside, I am afraid and falling apart. What advice would you have for me and my children at this time of unprecedented uncertainty?

Dear Reader,

Although you are sheltering in place, you are not alone in your struggle with the strong emotions brought on by the COVID-19 pandemic. It is not uncommon to feel frightened, frustrated, sad and even angry about cancelled events, disappearing jobs, rent payments and financial loss.

COVID-19 is new and unfamiliar to us all, and it is challenging our ability to cope. Adjusting to life in daily confinement is not easy with only outdoor walks or occasional trips to food stores and pharmacies. How stressful it can become with family members living continually under one roof, working and or taking classes remotely, endlessly preparing one meal after another and worrying about running out of supplies.

Of course, using social distancing, frequent hand washing and face masks are safety priorities to stay healthy. However, remaining healthy during COVID-19 also requires managing emotional stress.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Anxiety treatment requires understanding its cause

Dear Dr. Barb:

My wife tells me that a friend is taking medication for anxiety, and she wants to talk to our doctor about whether she needs to be on a similar program. I recently saw that there is even anxiety medicine for pets. I never knew that anxiety is a condition that requires medication. I always thought it was an emotional state that related to a certain situation that would eventually pass. My thoughts have been that feeling anxious is something that we all experience from time to time and learn to cope with. When did this change so that anxiety is now something that requires medication?

Dear Reader:

Anxiety is an emotional state in which one feels tense, apprehensive or uneasy in anticipation of something — even something unknown. Nearly everyone deals with anxiety from time to time. Stressful events like public speaking, job interviews or difficult life circumstances such as divorce, job loss or family illness can cause one to feel anxious or nervous.

In general, anxiety is caused by a combination of psychological, social and physiological factors. As an example, some individuals are prone to be anxious based on their genetic predispositions.The tendency to become anxious often can be passed down from one generation to the next. However, parental role models also can generationally transmit anxiety. For example, if a parent has a tendency to worry a lot, a child will grow up learning about everything there is to worry about. Also, when children grow up feeling psychologically neglected or unsupported, they develop feelings of anxiety and insecurity.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Questioning behavior in wake of "Me Too"

Dear Dr. Barb:

With accusations against men in many fields and the rise of the “Me Too” movement, many of us have been examining our behavior. I’ve had a predilection for making mildly off-color quips, which I’ve resolved to end. I’ve also resolved to never again discuss with male co-workers which female co-workers are the “hottest.” I’m a married man in my late 50s, and most men in my circle believe a lot of good is coming out of this movement. What’s bothering me, though, is thoughts of my past. When I first started dating, I do remember being aggressive. I’m not talking about harassment or worse; I’ve always known that “no” means no. I’m talking about what I thought were the normal fumblings of a young man who is trying to be intimate with a woman. I’ve always thought we were “wired” as men to be the pursuers, and women were the pursued. Dr. Barb, I’d be interested in hearing you weigh in on this topic as a professional and as a woman of my generation.

Dear Reader:

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about how the “Me Too” movement is encouraging you, as well as other men, to examine your attitudes and actions towards women. It’s never easy to look back at one’s life experiences and acknowledge that, knowingly or unknowingly, you were enabling sexist beliefs about women and at times your off-color jokes were demeaning of them.

However, even in your earlier dating years, when you were somewhat aggressive and unsure of yourself with women, it is good to know that you respected their feelings about saying “no.”

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Ask Dr. Barb: Lessons in my year living with cancer

Dear Readers:

I am delighted to report that having had two surgeries, 32 rounds of radiation therapy and countless examinations, I am feeling very happy and healthy exactly one year since receiving a breast cancer diagnosis. Even better, my first regular annual mammogram showed no sign of cancer.

However, looking back from the very beginning, it was not easy hearing the word “cancer,” and it was not always easy, even with my training as a psychologist, to manage my fears and confusion. Waiting for test results, I kept thinking,  ‘How could this be happening to me? I have no family history of breast cancer, I exercise, I eat right ...’

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