Ask Dr. Barb: Smart kids and learning disorders

 Dear Dr. Barb,

My friend’s daughter has been able to hold surprisingly intelligent conversations since she was a toddler. She reads constantly, has a vast vocabulary and high-level ideas, but she is failing high school. I don’t think she is using drugs, but she will get a time or date wrong and miss important appointments, and she falls behind on homework and projects. Her parents are both exceptionally disciplined and accomplished professionals. Early on I wondered if her acts of self-sabotage, and presenting herself as an “airhead,” were actually a quiet rebellion against her parents’ expectations. She now seems lost, having embraced the idea that something is wrong with her. Maybe she resents her parents or feels she can never match their accomplishments, or maybe she is a smart person who can’t get it together. Do you have any thoughts that might be helpful?

Dear Reader,

There may be more than one issue holding your friend’s daughter back from achieving her full academic potential. First, she may have a learning disorder that hasn’t been professionally diagnosed. Second, she may be an underachiever rebelling against expectations of her parents, whom she feels are role models she cannot live up to. Third, the problem may be a combination of a learning disorder and anxiety brought on by pressure to perform.

Even very intelligent individuals can have learning disorders. A learning disorder doesn’t mean that one is unable to learn successfully. In fact, those with learning disorders often are able to learn and perform just as well and sometimes better than those who don’t face such challenges.

To some extent, we all have learning disabilities, in that learning styles will vary according to our individual strengths and weaknesses. For example, some people are stronger visual learners. Others learn better by listening, that is, processing material auditorily. Your friend’s daughter may be a stronger visual learner. She reads constantly and has no trouble remembering many vocabulary words and high-level ideas.

Her weakness may be in processing what she is listening to unless she compensates by writing the information down. By taking notes, visual learners can more efficiently absorb and remember material they hear.

In order uncover a learning disorder, or any others of this nature, it would be best to have her learning style evaluated by a psychologist who specializes in this area. The psychologist can administer tests to determine her learning profile and recommend strategies that will utilize her strengths to compensate for areas of weakness.

Moreover, psychological evaluations also can rule out social or emotional problems that can contribute to academic underachievement. Many young people rebel against what they perceive to be unrealistic expectations for them.

Some parents who have achieved a lot financially and professionally may at times expect too much of their children — especially in the teenage years, as they begin college planning. Many believe that their kids have to get accepted into “the best colleges” through hard work and discipline, the way they did. Some fail to realize just how competitive it has become to be accepted by many colleges these days. Parents can have a hard time adjusting their own expectations and often fail to see that the best college for their child is not necessarily the most prestigious, but the best match for his or her abilities and interests.

Also, at this age, kids often compare themselves to their peers who appear to earn high grades effortlessly. They begin to feel a certain peer pressure to perform. They start to believe that their grades must be nothing less than perfect to be accepted by the top colleges they hear friends talking about. They may even worry that they will not be accepted to any college at all.

The pressure to perform academically often creates a great deal of anxiety and even depression in youngsters. The anxiety makes it difficult to pay attention, concentrate and mentally process what is being taught. Feeling anxious, many will procrastinate in starting their school projects in fear of not completing them perfectly. Then they fall further behind. This may be the case of your friend’s daughter who has gotten so behind that she feels lost and identifies herself as an “airhead” in order to save face and not be perceived as a failure.

At times parents, perhaps those who are very accomplished and disciplined, may deny that their child could have a learning disorder. Feeling embarrassed or in denial about the possibility of a learning problem, they may equate their child’s underachievement with laziness. Blaming the child for being lazy and not working hard only puts more stress on the child.

Stress of that nature could result in what may be happening to this young woman who, feeling very anxious and inadequate, is shutting down.

Perhaps any psychological help she receives should also involve her parents. While very accomplished, the parents may lack understanding about learning disor- ders and how feelings of anxiety and even depression can develop from the pressure to achieve, especially when a learning disorder is undiagnosed and untreated. It is important for the parents and their daughter to get the appropriate professional help they need so she can begin to experience academic success in a healthy and enjoyable way. Then hopefully, with her parents’ support and understanding, she can become more confident in her abilities and feel more at ease about herself.

To find a psychologist who specializes in learning disorders, visit PsychologyNJ.org. 

Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist whose Telehealth practice serves individuals of all ages, couples and families. She previously chaired educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Contact her through BarbaraRosenberg.com.