Ask Dr. Barb: 'Tis the season to avoid emotional eating

Dr. Barbara RosenbergDear Dr. Barb:

I had a great summer and lost 25 pounds by increasing my exercise and eating mostly vegetable salads. It's always easy for me to lose weight when the weather is warm, but as soon as the days get dark, I feel the urge to eat -- it starts with the Halloween candy and goes right through the holidays. I'm especially concerned about the holidays because I come from a family of great cooks, and I have never been able to resist the high-calorie side dishes and desserts. I really do associate them with the love and comfort of family around the holidays. I feel my willpower issue is somehow psychological. Is there anything I can do?

— Betty

Dear Betty:

Congratulations on your weight loss!  You are absolutely right that your eating willpower is psychological. If you have been eating mostly vegetable salads and excluding protein, dairy, carbohydrates and fruits, you'll eventually have an urge to eat what you've avoided to lose weight. These urges, particularly after rigid food restriction, are totally normal and part of human nature. Try instead to develop an eating plan that incorporates all the food categories with some reasonable limitations. Working with a registered dietician can help you set reasonable, short- and long-term goals to maintain your weight loss and avoid reverting back to unhealthy, high-caloric eating.

Your association of food with the love and comfort of family around the holidays suggests that you have an emotional relationship with food.  In our society, food has always been connected to social events, particularly holiday meals and celebrations. And, social events, especially family gatherings, tend to be emotional. Therefore, it's important for you to understand how you are emotionally connecting to these situations. Are you giving comfort to yourself by overeating the rich side dishes and desserts, or are you giving comfort to the great family cooks? It may be both. And, by telling yourself you have never been able to resist these holiday dishes, you may be reinforcing your urge to overeat them. What we tell ourselves about a situation often determines how we feel about a situation as well as how we behave.

Remember, even during these holiday gatherings, where you are surrounded by all those tempting foods, you can maintain that balance in food choice. Instead of restricting yourself from eating them, try to enjoy some of these delights in a balanced, reasonable manner. Enjoying delicious foods during the holidays should feel pleasurable without guilt.

Another point in your emotional relationship with food has to do with mood.  Many find it difficult to maintain a positive mood during the colder moths, usually beginning with Halloween and daylight savings time and sometimes lasting even beyond the holidays until the clocks are set ahead as we move into spring. You may be experiencing this. However, the use of food to help regulate your mood is never the best way to manage your blues. During the colder months, plan to engage in pleasurable and relaxing activities – mood-lifting situations that will give you something to look forward to each day.

In addition these pleasurable activities, take a look at your emotional relationship with yourself.  Are you being too self-critical and down on yourself? Or, is someone in your life being too critical of you? Are you avoiding situations, social or otherwise, which have the potential to bring you pleasure and pride in yourself?  A yes, to any of these questions might suggest why you may be using food to comfort yourself, especially during the months when you are experiencing seasonal effects. If you need help in mood management, why not consider engaging a psychologist to help you work on developing a healthier relationship with yourself as well as changing your relationship with food.

In closing, I'd like to make a few points about exercise. I like to think of it as a way to regulate physical health and mood, rather than use it compulsively as a weight-loss or weight-management tool. In thinking about exercise that way, one is more likely develop it into a more pleasurable, consistent routine in the same way that establishing more balanced and realistic eating habits can become an enduring way of life.
 
Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist and chair of educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Her Summit practice serves individuals of all ages, including couples and families. To contact her, visit her website.