Seek children's input as family works through economic challenges

Dr. Barbara RosenbergBy Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D

Financial loss impacts an entire family, but telling children about economic troubles can be very stressful.

Embarrassment, shame, anger, fear, sadness and general confusion can make it difficult for parents to discuss money problems with their children. However, during times of economic challenge, it is important to talk to children about what is happening. Hiding bad news can often cause more problems than the truth; children are like emotional sponges and can feel tension even when it is not out in the open. Among the most distressing financial troubles is losing one’s job, which has been a traumatic reality for millions of Americans over the last few years. The dramatic fall in financial markets has resulted in significant investment losses for even more people.

Facing trials together

Children will react differently to a parent’s job or investment woes depending on their age. Whereas money is only vaguely connected to the needs of a 5-year-old, to a 16-year-old, money problems may be
confusing and frightening. Does dad’s job loss mean the family will have to move away? Will the stock market plunge affect which college he or she will attend? In order to address such fears, it’s best to be as specific as possible when explaining the problem.

Assess their interest, either directly or indirectly, by how many questions they ask and how they respond to the answers. While they may not be able to absorb all the information at once, let your children know there will be continuing financial challenges.

The best way to let children know about the family’s money problems is to involve them in helping out without making them feel responsible for solving them. Weekly family meetings can be arranged to discuss money problems openly, to set new family goals together, and to suggest ways to meet the goals. For example, while a family vacation may have to be cancelled, other more affordable activities can still bring enjoyment and keep the family in touch with friends.

Children of all ages can suggest ways to help meet the family goals and should be told that their contributions count. Younger ones might offer to share toys rather than ask for new ones. Older youngsters can limit their demands for new clothes or other items, and can volunteer to help out by getting a part-time job.

Strengthening family relationships is essential during such times. In a strong, cohesive family, everyone pitches in supportively. The luxury of hired help may have to be curtailed, so children can help by doing
more household chores. Instead of eating out, family meals can become a team effort. Sharing the burden makes it easier for everyone to bear. Maintaining cohesion through communication, empathy and joint effort are important ways to sustain family relationships during any crisis.

Changing negative perceptions about job loss also can decrease family stress by reducing blame and protecting self-esteem. In the present environment of corporate layoffs, most unemployment is due to social and economic conditions and is not the fault of the unemployed.

Everyone helps out

It is healthy for everyone to maintain this positive perspective the longer unemployment goes on. Furthermore, it is important to let children know that the parent who lost a job is not to be blamed for family unhappiness. A flexible view of roles and responsibilities also helps to reduce stress and maintain
healthy attitudes. Thus, the unemployed parent who is perceived as more than an economic provider can make worthwhile contributions to effective family functioning by assuming childcare and other household responsibilities.

Economic loss, though certainly stressful and challenging, can provide an opportunity for a family to grow and to learn together. Working towards a common goal to pull through a crisis, children will feel like part of the family in a more meaningful way. Also, by solving problems together and remaining optimistic, children learn valuable lessons in coping with change. Ups and downs are a part of life and not always within our control. Lastly, a financial downturn presents opportunity for the family to reexamine values.

Maybe it will be learned that what makes us most happy are our relationships and not material belongings. With the love and support of strong family relationships, an individual can weather any storm.

Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist and chair of educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Her Summit practice serves individuals of all ages, including couples and families. To contact her, visit her website.