Ask Dr. Barb: The power of positive thinking

Dr. Barbara RosenbergDear Dr. Barb:

What do you think about "the power of positive thinking?" I have a friend who is always reading books on that subject. She is more than a little annoying in her suggestion that I can avoid having bad things happen in my life just by visualizing a better outcome. 

— Jane W.

Dear Jane:

Reading books about “the power of positive thinking” and visualizing better outcomes can be motivating for some, but there can be drawbacks. First, no one book takes into account the individual reader's differences such as personality, skill set or problems. Second, too often individuals read self-help books expecting a quick fix. Changing self-defeating thoughts that bring about poor outcomes requires effort, time and practice.

So the question becomes can we really plan ahead and feel better by empowering ourselves with a positive attitude? The answer is that without a more optimistic outlook, negative feelings like fear and anger can often lead to self-defeating behaviors. Through worry and avoidance, we lose motivation. Things start to feel more difficult than they really are, resulting in a loss of confidence and the inability to move forward. Life then begins to feel like one big problem after another, and chances are missed for better things to happen.

Being grateful for what we have is also positive thinking. Some individuals decrease opportunities to feel happier by not fully experiencing activities or relationships that can be very enjoyable. They rush through them, like eating a delicious meal too quickly without savoring the pleasure. Or maybe they take a good relationship for granted without telling the other person what he or she did and how much it helped. Others don't fully appreciate their own good fortune and how much more they may have than others.

For those who use visualization to imagine a better future, it is best to match one’s goals as closely as possible to personal strengths. With the right amount of challenge to one’s skills and strengths, there is more likelihood to become positively engaged in new steps that are taken. Writing down your most positive attributes can help create a personal legacy, encouraging actions that would support a vision of how you would like to be remembered. Tapping at least one personal strength every day can reinforce feelings of self-worth and well being, helping to defeat self-criticism and fear of failure.

Talking with a trained professional such as psychologist also can help in setting goals that are both realistic and individualized. And, in getting to know you better over time, a psychologist can identify where your own personal beliefs and behaviors undermine visions of success.

Best wishes for your ability to see and create new opportunities for yourself and others in 2013!

Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist and chair of educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Her Summit practice serves individuals of all ages, including couples and families. To contact her, visit her website.