Ask Dr. Barb: Suspected shopping addiction requires careful approach

Dear Dr. Barb: How do I find out if my wife is a shopaholic? She has already started shopping for Christmas. The holidays seem to be the worst time because she has a good reason to spend. My family members have told me that they are often embarrassed because they can’t give to us at the same level that my wife gives to them. They don’t want to upset her or seem ungrateful, so it continues. My wife and my daughter always have the latest clothing and shoes, and each year she donates piles of clothes that still seem to be in great shape to charity. We can afford it, but I can’t help thinking that she buys out of boredom. Our house is beautiful but filled with too many things. What is the best way to approach my wife about this? Should I bother?

— R.L., Mountainside

Dear R.L.: I am very impressed with your thoughtfulness as a concerned and caring husband. You seem to want to approach the issue of your wife’s excessive shopping without jumping to conclusions.

Click to read more ...

Ask Dr. Barb: Straightening out a long-distance love triangle

Dear Dr. Barb: I have been in a long-distance relationship for 8 years with a kind and honest man whom I love, trust and had hoped to marry. But recently, I have become seriously involved with a male friend of many years who lives in my area. Each has qualities I like, and I don’t want to hurt either of them. I feel terrible about what has happened, and my friends say I must decide. I know they are right, but I can’t find the courage to make a choice. Please help.

— Sandra M.  

Dear Sandra: How fortunate you are to have caring friends who are looking out for your best interests. Your friends must realize that you are in a very difficult place right now. I would add that the longer you avoid making a choice, the more uncomfortable you will feel.

Click to read more ...

Ask Dr. Barb: Coping with breast cancer

Thanks so much to those of you who have contacted me about this column.

It’s wonderful to know that you have been able to use my advice on family and marital issues in productive ways. For me, as a psychologist, it is always very satisfying to help others with problems that worry or depress them.

Unfortunately, very recently, I had my own issue of great concern. In March of this year, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. After so many years of helping clients with their anxieties, I now was facing my own fears in having a potentially life-threatening illness.

Click to read more ...

Ask Dr. Barb: Secrets to a long marriage

Dear Dr. Barb: I read in an article on your website that you have been married more than 40 years. What is your secret? Do you and your husband still have a lot in common? Did you ever want out?

— Rachael S.

Dear Rachael: The first year is the hardest. It wasn’t necessarily that I wanted out, it’s that I felt like running away.

Click to read more ...

Ask Dr. Barb: Preparing for college is a lesson in letting go for parents

Dear Dr. Barb:

Your advice on helping teens get themselves up on time was very helpful. I stopped nagging my son to get up. He was late a few times, and we talked about his need to prepare himself for adulthood. Happily, he is now getting himself up routinely, and he’s sometimes ready with 5 minutes to spare! I think it was allowing him to come up with his own time management system that worked. Thank you.

Now a question: My son is a high school senior this year, and with all the violence going on at schools around the nation, I am really afraid to send him off to college. He is our only child, and I don’t know what I would do if something happened to him. I know he could be hurt anywhere, but I am really having a hard time supporting his desire to go away to school. Would you have any advice to help cope with these feelings?

— Nancy B.

Dear Nancy: 

I am so glad my advice really helped with your son getting up on time in the morning. Congratulations on doing such a great job! It must have been challenging for you to trust that he would be able to develop his own strategies to get himself to school on time.

Click to read more ...