Ask Dr. Barb: Cultural differences and dating challenges

Dear Dr. Barb: I am in an inter-racial relationship for the first time as an older man. The woman I am presently dating is Latina, and I am white. We met at work, have a lot in common and get along great together. However, I am concerned that she has not introduced me to her friends. I wonder if she is ashamed of our relationship. Also, when she meets my friends it is often uncomfortable. In one case, one of my friends said something she perceived as a slight and she just walked away. She was angry at me afterward because I thought the comments were innocently ignorant. I want to add that I am crazy about her, but do you think we are doomed because of cultural differences?

— A.M, Springfield 

 Interracial relationships can be challenging, but you are not doomed!

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Ask Dr. Barb: Jobless college grad moves back home

Dear Dr. Barb: I graduated last year with a degree in fine arts. I did not have a job lined up after I graduated, so I moved back home. I’ve looked for jobs related to my major, but haven’t found anything. I’m writing because the situation at home is terrible. My parents refuse to treat me like an adult and find fault with everything I do. I’m always arguing with my dad about work around the house, and I do my share. I don’t have enough money to move out, and my confidence is really shaken. Should I try to stay with friends or run away and join a circus?

—  Name and town withheld

Hi there,

Running away from your problems is never the right solution.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Lessons in my year living with cancer

Dear Readers:

I am delighted to report that having had two surgeries, 32 rounds of radiation therapy and countless examinations, I am feeling very happy and healthy exactly one year since receiving a breast cancer diagnosis. Even better, my first regular annual mammogram showed no sign of cancer.

However, looking back from the very beginning, it was not easy hearing the word “cancer,” and it was not always easy, even with my training as a psychologist, to manage my fears and confusion. Waiting for test results, I kept thinking,  ‘How could this be happening to me? I have no family history of breast cancer, I exercise, I eat right ...’

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Ask Dr. Barb: Helping children tell the truth

Dear Dr. Barb: My 8-year-old is a good kid overall, but he has one troubling problem: He is a great liar. He recently ate an entire bag of cookies and denied it so convincingly that I called my husband at work to ask if he’d eaten them. When my husband said he hadn’t, I wondered for a moment if someone would break into our home just to steal cookies! My boy is not as adept at concealing evidence, however, and I later found the empty cookie bag on the side of his bed. The cookie incident is minor, but I know now that my son isn’t an angel. What can I do to discourage future lies?

— Sarah M.

Dear Sarah: It doesn’t sound as if your son is likely to become a delinquent in trouble with the law. However, over time, the tendency to lie may become troublesome.

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Ask Dr. Barb: Death of less-than-ideal spouse is still a loss

Dear Dr. Barb: My ex-brother-in-law died about eight months ago. He was not a good husband or father to my sister and nieces, whom he had left before his death. I didn’t go to his funeral (granted, it was in Florida), send a card or even call my sister and the girls, now college graduates. I lost my own wife at a young age, so I’m sure that is a part of it. I’m worried that I have damaged the relationship with my sister and nieces, and I am thinking of writing to each of them. Do you think that will help? Thanks for listening, Dr. Barb.

— James H.

Dear James: As you so well pointed out, the loss of your own wife at a young age probably has made it difficult for you to approach your sister and nieces at their time of loss.

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