Ask Dr. Barb: Change in perspective can stop road rage

Dr. Barbara Rosenberg

Dear Dr. Barb:

My husband suggested that I write to you about what he considers an extreme problem with road rage. I admit I am constantly blowing my horn at idiot drivers, and there are a lot of them these days. I see people using both hands to send texts while they should have them on the wheel with their eyes on the road. I often complain and curse when in heavy traffic, and get very angry when people cut me off. I confess I’ve followed people to yell out the window at them for stupid driving that almost causes an accident. I know this anger raises my blood pressure and probably affects my health. My husband is concerned I will one day pull up on the wrong person and get hurt. Am I supposed to just let these things happen and stay calm? I would find that hard to do; however, I would appreciate any advice.

Dear Reader:

It is good to hear that you are able to listen to your husband’s concerns about road rage, which is an aggressive form of driving be havior. Examples, as you mentioned, include constant horn blasting, tailgating and cursing at those you consider to be “idiot drivers.” Road rage often is caused by low tolerance for frustration, feelings of intense irritability and poor impulse control. It can result in extreme emotional distress.

Some mental health professionals would categorize road rage as a form of an intermittent explosive disorder, whereby a person on repeated occasions suddenly explodes into an angry and hostile rage without reasonable provocation. Recent studies suggest that an explosive disorder in which a person reacts impulsively, aggressively and at times evenviolently is far more common than people realize. Such actions may be caused by underlying depression and mood swings. The person feels out of control during and after the episode, and guilty about the behavior thereafter.

Individuals who exhibit this behavior put themselves and everyone else in physical danger. In heavy traffic, emotions can run high, causing some drivers, already stressed out, to make poor and dangerous decisions in response to your belligerent provocations. In essence, road rage can have a domino effect by turning an annoying or frustrating situation into a serious or even fatal accident.

During times of extreme emotional distress, the nerves in the body that control our heartbeat can set off a maladaptive “fight-flight” response. In primitive times, the fight- flight response was a means of survival in defense against wild beasts or other physical dangers. In a fight-flight mode, blood vessels constrict, the heart beats too rapidly and blood pressure rises, all of which can result in ongoing physical damage to our organs.

Although there are times when this heightened response is appropriate to a real danger, an inappropriate “fight-flight” reaction usually is brought on by over-reactive mental beliefs about frustrating situations. These beliefs are caused by negative ways of think- ing such as overgeneralization, exaggeration, perfectionism and demandingness — ways of thinking that usually result in catastrophizing or blowing things out of proportion.

Pertaining to road rage, examples of this would be “It couldn’t be any worse,” “This is terrible and I can’t stand it” or “I shouldn’t have to put up with this.” Faulty beliefs like these typically result in behaviors that range from tailgating other drivers to rolling down the window and cursing them out. This out of control behavior may be more of a threat to everyone’s survival than the other motorist’s driving blunders. In such cases, the “wild beast” causing the fight-flight response is in one’s head and not on the road.

My advice would be to learn how to remain calm in stressful driving situations, as well as in all other frustrations of day-to-day living. Managing your stress entails thinking in a more rational manner and knowing how to relax yourself when a situation calls for it. Learning to breathe in a relaxing way can reduce bodily tension. By slowly breathing in through your nose and out through your mouth even a few times, your whole body becomes more relaxed. Paying attention to your breaths as you breathe naturally in and out can be relaxing as well.

Feeling calmer, one can take a step back and form a different perspective about the situation. Doing so can help you become more mindful — to stop and think, and not to act out impulsively.

In so doing, you might even be able to turn a negative situation into one that can become more positive. When driving in heavy traffic, instead of feeling trapped in a situation over which you believe you have no control, turn on some relaxing music or begin a pleasant conversation with your spouse to pass the time. These choices will help you feel more in control and stop you from feeling guilty afterwards about acting inappropriately.

If you are unable to change self-defeating behavior, it would help to work with a psychologist who specializes in anger management. This kind of professional can help you explore underlying issues and provide cogni- tive behavioral modification to help you relax and develop healthier beliefs about yourself and the situations around you.

Barbara L. Rosenberg, Ph.D, is a licensed psychologist whose Summit practice serves individuals of all ages, as well as couples and families. She previously chaired educational and social programs for the Essex-Union County Association of Psychologists. Contact her through BarbaraRosenberg.com